| we've seen the face of god.
ive had a lovely weekend. preview weekend was fun.. atlas at midnight followed by DDR. then waking up at 730 to get the girls to their breakfast. then being half asleep and waking up to Dre climbing into bed with me. : )
wake up late do some work then go hang out all night. come back here and watch movies til 630 am and sleep til 1130. wake up do more work - then go to wind rock (thank you richard!!) which is fucking amazing. and then off to the library - which we both got books!! haha such dorks. a good month celebration.
the weekends go by way to fast.
another week of school and only 5 more left. then home for the summer - which should be interesting.
yay plays from chris!!!!
SECURITY DEVICE ENCLOSED!!!
walmart run and engineering meetings. and a song in the dark with two candles and sitting on a table. : ) | comments: Leave a comment   |
| *is it crazy to want to take two 5 credit classes this summer and to work full time??*
here is my schedule for Preview Weekend and the rest of it... (cuz you all want to know)
# in italics it is not mandatory for me to be there
- calculus and lunch 125 - 245
- physics test 3 - 5
- registration/ pick up the girls 5 - 530
- welcome and program overview 530 - 6
- ice breaker 6 - 630
- dinner 630 - 730
- entertainment 730 - 830
- student panel discussion 830 - 915
- ice cream social 930 - 1030
- evening activities 1030 - bed...</font>
- wake the girls up 8 am</font>
- back to bed.. til whenever</font>
- free day (i dont have anything planned)</font>
- engineering meeting at 2 - prob a few hours...</font>
- then one month activities</font>
but yea thats my weekend. i should probably study for
the physics test right now.. but i will. gotta run that form to Lauren
and then the other one to the Engineering Department - before calc.
sigh. every weekend from now until exams i have something to do
on one of the days.. well except the 9th/10th. the 16th is the cascades
social for AOE, the 22nd/23rd is Relay For Life (AOE thing also),
then either the 30th or the 1st i have to be free from 11 - 5 for
initination/ becoming a colony for AOE. AOE is going to be taking
up alot of time.. hmm, well it will be fun at least - i have crystal,
holly, beth, and kaitlyn with me. : )
STUDYAGE now.
</font> | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i forgot to mention...
how alike my sister is to me.. its semi-disturbing.
she also wants to get a barcode tattoo.
*now ive grown from that one but for about a year i drew it in faithfully.
scary thing is tho - i was 15. she is 11. well - sisters, its in the family.
i really should work on getting to know her better. it was really nice seeing her. sigh.
calc and vector test. joys. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | dresden dolls - coin operated boy | | Time: | 08:02 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/white/awake.gif) awake |
|
| im trying to not get too excited - but things are looking really good from where i am standing.
tho i had a nightmare last night/early this morning and i woke up crying.
busy early day today... class/quiz, take a test online at empo, then class again.
then study for physics test on friday. other than that im good for the day.
ok time to find old quizzes so that i can study for this test... joys.
oh yea - going to see Dresden Dolls at the 930 club on May 20th -- im very excited about this. If things work out it will be something special. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | like yesterday | | Subject: | distraction | | Time: | 09:02 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/white/complacent.gif) sigh |
|
| define : distraction
# mental turmoil; "he drives me to distraction"
# an obstacle to attention
# beguilement: an entertainment that provokes pleased interest and distracts you from worries and vexations
# the act of distracting; drawing someone's attention away from something; "conjurers are experts at misdirection"
thats it - just that simple. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | radiohead... three cds | | Subject: | Serentity Point... | | Time: | 07:31 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/white/calm.gif) serene |
|
| a silent conversation with yourself swimming through and echo contained on a shallow park bench. raise your voice so i can hear you above the wind blowing the leaces, dandilion surrounding poison arrows pointing you the way to trespass on lonely ground.
kicking the rocks in the pit of your stomach. passing time not thinking sitting on this hill watchingthe sun set and rise a few more times. behind the bare branches of dark tress birds sining a lullaby sinking down into the ground. head craddled sould robbed of reality its all a dream. grab my hand and we will float farther away from here. places you've never seen, things you've always done. to the soundtrack of our lives. close your eyes as the sun hides behind star-filled skies. rivers bleed black the ground runs dry a vibrant green pulling at the corners of your eyes. live in fear of nothing at all. love with all you cant. pause to breath and die of suffocation.
confusion wraps its cloudy fingers through white-ribboned hair. an innocent gesture spilled out for every malicious thought it contained. you can feel what isnt there, another stone to step on, a stup to lay and rest. fade away to blue black and grey burning white-hot to touch. a secret green dwell in the soul of mind's eye. yellow covered brush smoke rising - cupid. dark nights perfect drives wild rides. forever living missing spots rain driving down cleaning a spider's web of truth and dreams. stories held in the hollows inside. focus deep down and tell me what you see. pale sky bare arms reaching for the sunshine. it wont be taken away.
moving slower to hurry up. jumping and landing head first in a bed of clovers. spinning in circles all there is - open spaces filled with essential just listen as the rain hits the earth the land crys out in joy. misted roads empty into moon drenched hands late at night.
seeing shapes in the clouds and waiting for just three words. taking time out of thin air molding it to ideals from ages ago. 6 pages running away. lost and hoping not to be found. small print fake smiles surprises around every bend. "do you wat to stop here?" she asked. "no lets just go on forever." he replied.
a story play acting risks and rewards. with every knot a wish a dream a promise a thought tied together into a pattern repeated time and time again. where you shouldnt be shivering with a camera pen and paper. waiting for a moment of inspiration. needing the wind sweeping thoughts from every inch of your skin. silently crept up on, wrapped in arms you dont want to break from. wake up. open your eyes.
stolen - in the blink of an eye. vibrate and it all goes away. a single ray of light to warm you it keeps cirling the clouds. dizzy. no words to find, struggle with understanding, dont follow. hold it together as planes fly high above you, crashes - the only color out of ordinary. unoriginal.
there it is.. can you feel that? sense it? deep in the marrow. being watched interrupted. nothing is what it seems, how it should be. refocus but nothing clears up. sit tightly one of many in the car speeding even faster to the edge of the precipice. falling over. hot on one side, cold on the other. bakc to back you face each other - waiting eternally, not daring to blink. to breath. swelling larger dents bruise at every whisper a twisted trail with shadows in and out.
pointed miniature, painting a picture astounding no one at all. defeat deciet.
a new position to defend. survey all that you can trace with your jaded eyes. another round on the house - infinity to choose from, face down - decide.
foot prints in the flowers multiplying as evening takes control. chills up and down the spine huddled as you watch everyone pass you by without a helping hand or a smile to show they care. another day down fenced in your mock world.
show more skin, be exposed.skip ahead in line. do what thye say on command. a figure in the distance strikes a pose - runs forward and meets you years ago.
dry hands slip though the roots of this ideas ride away on prancing wings a sign showing a shiny fork in the road. sweeping down to make the kill a long winded speech gives you time to crawl along the ground superinposed. improving. devising a way to divert attention. the seconds trickle away flashes of moments memories again and again. one side light and one side dark. pencil skratches making dirty what was once clean. its all come before another place another time its just a film someone else's vision. here is your exit song, take a bow and gladly go. wait. dont lose control nerves bundled tight - ready to explode. mind blank a riot of images mask in place. just waiting for what you dont know. keeping it all in mind rocking back and forth glazed steady stare trained on the grain of wood. a mote a speck of dust in the center of the room. a lifetime passes - everything changes. inconsistant consequences choked breaking the spell. here it comes a slight movement in the atmostphere - deep down inside its known. cision doubled.
ready let down your guard, quiet. held immobile - it ends. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | alien ant farm | | Subject: | songs again | | Time: | 07:22 pm | | Current Mood: | complacent |
|
| its my arms that wrap you up nice
its my arms
my arms
baby
...
im so confused
...
i trust in you
to make me shine bright
...
it suits me just fine
this is the package im sending
these are the clothes that im wearing
these are the words that im saying
these are the notes they are bearing
...
yea ive really missed some of the music i used to listen to. its nice to refind it. : )
so the past couple of days have been totally amazing. its college - and im having a great time.
school is ok.. friends are fine.
im thinking i want a change... well soon enough ill get one when my mom comes to visit.
daddy and rachel are coming down saturday - sunday and adam is going to dress up as the easter bunny for rachel - i thought that was really sweet that he would do that.
im keeping my promise - just for you.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
The other night dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamt I held you in my arms.
When I awoke dear, I was mistaken,
So I hung my head down and cried.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away"
we named out door balthezar... i thought it was cool.
i really dont have much of consequence to update - just basically life is good.
how pathetic is this -- i want to by the end of the year have over 100 friends at tech on facebook.. so far im at 93. and i want over 200 over all.. im at 187.. i think i can do it!!!
god thats sad...... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| "So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild.
We barely remember what came before this precious moment,
Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion."
"Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin
(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now
Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love
I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)
You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now
I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)
In your eyes
Lets sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's leave till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes"
yay songs stuck in your head!!! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| i am happy.
bare arms...
my goal for st. patrick's day was 38 kisses. (im 19 but i know more than 19 people that would kiss me - so i wanted a challenge and doubled it!)
and right now i am at 29...with 5 more that are definite...so4 more random ones needed... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| two panic attacks in one day..
when i havent had one since last semester..
i thought thye were going away, but thye come back with a vengence.
this did not make for a good night.
: ( | | comments: Leave a comment |
| yummy contacts.
now all i have is one thing on my mind.. and tomorrow it will be cleared up -- for better or for worse. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Apology | | Time: | 10:47 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/bitospud/courier/white/sad.gif) apologetic |
|
| ...when you love, you leave yourself open to unimaginable hurt.
nothing was more contrary than love. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| sometimes i hate when emotion gets the better of me.
i get too carried away...
sorry.
*no punishment for that one* | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | AFI | | Subject: | walk away | | Time: | 08:41 pm |
|
| to all my friends from freshman to junior year.. im sorry i left you and ruined what friendship we had
to all my friend from junior to beginning of college - it seems our friendships werent strong enough cuz ive lost you all
maybe i should just leave the past behind and not worry about it anymore... it seems i cant hold friends from then to now... you say you are there.. there are a few of you who are - and i am very thankful that you are. but the majority is nonexistant.
its all too complicated. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i just had my entire faith (i dont know if that is the right word, maybe trust or something stronger and deeper than that) in who i consider my best friend taken from me. this is the person i can always turn to, who is always there, knows how to make me smile and laugh when i need it, who i can go to just to talk about anything and not be afraid of being made fun of (seriously).. i mean he was a strong foundation holding me up - and now i dont know. its all been destroyed. he has changed or maybe i have changed. or maybe how i see things has changed. but i dont know how to handle this right now.
and it seems he doesnt even notice or even care. hes played with me but i never really minded. and when he was seriously hurt i was prepared to do anything to make it better. ive been dependent on him and now i dont think i can fully do that anymore.
maybe this was a combination of things and its been crumbling for a while and today it just shattered and fell to the ground - but god. its a shock to have it taken away. to not have that tie, the comfort of one person who no matter what would be there.
maybe im over reacting... i hope that i am. i really really hope i am cuz i really dont want to lose this...
god i hate crying.
i just need to breath and think about this - i have to be over-reacting... please let that be true...
*some time after*
ok.. i did over react. getting hurt just sucks alot - and i wasnt prepared for that. im ok now. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | daddy yankee - gasolina | | Time: | 03:21 pm |
|
| ive got something for you
mars volta (either atlanta 4/29 or philadelphia 5/1)
i am SO going | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i like roadtrips - ghetto richmond, balmore, dirty jokes with my sister - crystal would know!
yea that was fun.
get to see alot of people this break - which will be nice
hopefully doing something with my hair...
call me if you are home this week@!@!! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| |
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